His Point of View

Well the women who do this obviously value having something– anything to hold onto rather than nothing. Additionally, I think this is clearly a case where men get applauded for doing this (common sensical thing) whereas women are criticized for it. We get the “you want the perfect man, but he doesn't exist” line and other bs which basically suggests we need to deal rather than bail because we have unrealistic expectations. And because women tend to seek acceptance more and are more likely to be people pleasers, this sinks into some and they act accordingly…

This is a really good post. You should send this to Wisey and have her link to your site too.

There are a few reasons why women are driven to make even the worst situations work. I will list the top three but understand that there are many more issues that make women seek relationships that are not good for them.
1. Poor relationships with men during their formative years causes them to repeat what they saw growing up. It has been proven many times over that women who were not raised with a positive and involved father figure have difficulty in relationships. Relationship building is a learned behavior. Women whose were raised without fathers don’t grow up with exposure to what a healthy relationship should be. Most of our knowledge and understanding of relationships is formed through observation. If there are no healthy relationships to observe, there won’t be any cognitive knowledge upon which to draw when it is time to have their own relationships. Unfortunately, these women who see their mothers in unhealthy relationships or no relationships tend to repeat the pattern. The first man from whom a woman seeks positive affirmation is her father. If there is no father, there is very little positive affirmation. I learned this about myself the $120 per hour way but I don’t regret spending the money to learn why certain types of relationships were difficult for me.
2. A desire to nurture. When it comes to women and relationships, they want to nurture and grow that relationship. Women are natural nurturers and we hate to fail in that area. Women need to be needed. In other words, women need to feel that the people in their lives value the relationships as much as they do. I call this the reciprocity complex. We feel that just because we are making the effort to put this much into something, the other people involved should do the same. We want to feel successful at something and because relationships need to be nurtured, we feel that this is an area in which we should naturally excel.
3. Poor self-esteem. We have all heard this one a million times. Women who grow up with poor self-images tend to cling to anything that comes their way. Often, when a young girl is consistently chosen over her friends, she develops a confidence that reassures her that she can be socially accepted (again, this is the positive affirmation that most women get from their fathers). During the teenage years, if a girl sees her friends or other girls being admired by the opposite sex and she is constantly teased and made to feel awkward or just completely ignored, she feels less desirable and somewhat unattractive and these feelings continue into adulthood if they go unchecked (another problem from which I suffered). I was viciously teased about being too thin, wearing glasses, braces, being too dark, etc. It wasn’t until my senior year in high school that someone said that I was cute or pretty so I tried to hold on to that relationship as long as I could. Needless to say, it didn’t work out.
Those are three very popular reasons to why a woman might continue to stick around although it looks bleak early on.
This was a great post. I will leave you and your readers with these thoughts…
Once some women become damaged goods, they are never really the same afterward. They either try harder or shut down. One of the most damaging things a man can do to a woman’s self-esteem is cheat on her. Once a woman experiences this, she either shuts down or tries harder in her next relationship. They feel disrespected and undesirable. Some women have the foresight to take themselves out of the game until they recover but this reaction to the pain usually comes with experience. The best thing for both parties is complete honesty and full disclosure. Women need to let a man know their intentions for the relationship upfront. If a man does not want to be exclusive with a woman, he needs to tell her that upfront. Do not string her along. The moment a man feels something for another woman if he is attempting to be exclusive, be honest with yourself and others. Emotional infidelity is real. Women often know when a relationship is headed down the drain. Women need to trust their instincts and learn to let go and understand it is not a failure or a reflection of your character if a relationship does not work out. Honesty is the best policy and it helps a person to feel respected.

@maWilliams24 Wow, I can say that I never knew much of the things you described about your past situations. and you have shed some light on things I have seen in other relationships and experienced in my own.
One thing I must clarify is my feelings on emotional cheating. I can say that I have cheated physically in a past relationship, but I also have been cheated on emotionally in more than one relationship. I think some people think its all good as long as there is no sex involved, but in my mind I care more about the emotional cheating because that is a very clear sign that you do not want to be in your relationship any longer. Cheating sexually is very bad, but often when men cheat is is not at all related to how much we love our mate. In fact we may very well be in love with a woman who we have cheated on… but I must add that if a guy cheats repeatedly and or frequently then he may be fooling himself and he may not really be in love. I am a firm believer that we as adults have full control over every decision we make, and we must decide to accept the consequences.

One more….In any case, walking away from someone you have so many feelings for, knowing he's not a good wear on you was one of the hardest things I've done. I did it because I knew it was the right thing to do but I dang sure didn't want to. Maybe therein lies the answer or at least a peek into “why.”

The difference, I believe lies in being excluded or included. Let's say, for the sake of argument, that your mate or potential have other happenings aside from the ordinary. It seems natural to me to include or share. I don't mean ride along for every event or happening but why not? In an effort to move towards coupledom, would it not be a step in the right direction making all things inclusive? To be constantly told, over a period of time that “you can't” engage or be engaged for whatever reasons would be a red flag. It's the old adage that men make time for woman they're interested or pursuing. That's the point I was initially making. No, I don't have a problem making and giving space for something extraordinary in your life, especially something that existed for you prior to me or “us” but in order to move forward and towards a goal, something's gotta give. If your extraordinary cannot include me, even if not bs, it's time to rethink things.

good point.