His Point of View

Hidden Love?

by on Oct.28, 2009, under Dating and Relationships

HS_rngYesterday I was reading a piece in the local paper about a woman who died. Her high school sweetheart went to pay his last respects at her wake, when he was approached by the woman’s husband who returned the high school ring that the man gave the woman 57 years prior.  At first reading this was a sweet story of high school sweethearts reunited after death.  But it suddenly hit me that it must have been difficult for the husband to do knowing that his wife held a special place in her heart for another man for 57 years.

The story did not detail whether the husband knew about the high school sweetheart before hi wife’s death, or if she told him while on her death bed that she needed him to return the ring of her former love interest.  But either way it must have been difficult to know that your wife is holding on to someone else after so many years.

There is a possibility that the wife did not care about the ex of 57 years prior, and the husband came across it while getting her things in order.  But to me it seems more likely that she knew exactly where the ring was located and she provided it to her husband before departing.  She likely knew that the ex would show up at her wake/funeral, and she wanted to be sure that his ring was returned as a parting gesture to show that he was not forgotten.

Could you marry someone who told you that they still held feelings for a person from their past???

Would you feel like your marriage was a lie if you found out in the last days of your spouse’s life that they held another person in their heart during your entire marriage?

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  • Sdot

    I think you may be putting too much on it. I was engaged in my early 20s. When I broke things off, my ex insisted I keep the ring as it was a custom design and couldn't be returned. He even sent it back to me after I tried to return it. I hold no feelings for this man, but I still have the ring, partly because its put away for safekeeping and I rarely, if ever, think about it.

    In the almost 15 years since then, I've only mentioned having the ring to maybe 2 men, and that was in casual conversation. I imagine if I were on my death bed, going through my valuables with my husband, I'd tell him the story when we got to the ring and let him decide what to do with it.

  • mrggfep

    Well there are always exceptions… but I must also ask why keep a ring if it & the person who gave it to you are no longer important to you? You could get rid of the ring in so many ways, so why keep it? precious metals and gem stones have value and they can always be returned or resold (although, one must consider that costs for time and labor would not be refunded, but depending upon the market price for the materials you may get more or less than cost of the ring at the time of original sale on the resale market). I see that you did try to return the ring to him , but upon his refusal to accept it, why keep it? Custom or not, anything which contains precious metals can be sold, so keeping it around for 50 years would mean something 99% of the time. FYI: Right now gold is at an all time high, so just about anything made of gold is worth more now, than it was at the time of original sale. Do your future husband a favor and avoid even putting him in a position to possibly have to ponder such thoughts… go sell the ring and buy yourself a pair of designer shoes and/or a handbag or send it to me… I will dispose of it for you.

  • Sdot

    The way I see it, a wedding/engagement ring is a symbol that represents love and commitment to your spouse and union. If there is no love and commitment, its just a really nice piece of jewelry. I, as a woman, love nice jewelry,especially if someone else bought it. At the time I thought of selling it, but considering everything he went through to have it made, it seemed kinda callous, and I was already feeling bad about breaking up with him, so I put it in the safe to deal with later. I rarely go into the safe, so I usually only think of it when a topic like this comes up. Luckily, I haven't ever been strapped for cash to the point where I ever considered selling anything I own.

    Would it make a difference if the ring were just a gift and not an engagement ring? Mine isn't traditional, so I could see wearing it (on another finger, of couse) and no one being the wiser. My new guy doesn't mind watching the flat screen my old guy bought, so I don't understand why he'd care who bought some bling, as long as I'm not still pining over a lost love. Maybe, to be safe, I just won't ever mention to my future husband that it was an engagement ring.

    Good topic!

  • seven

    There is a person in my past that captured my heart and I his……..for whatever reason, it did not work but the intensity of our paths crossing was so strong that I know he still thinks of me and all that we did, felt and shared together. How do I know……..he contacted me and told me. Although I truly wish him well, I know that I will forever be in his heart of hearts.

  • mrggfep

    Well if you gotta keep it never discuss it.. LoL… but why even leave that door open? Some guys don't care, but most would, even if they act cool, its in the back of their mind that you might still have feelings for an old dude if you keep things around that remind you of him. Certain things like random gift, clothes, shoes, TV's… don't matter but other things like engagement rings, photos, and maybe lingerie might matter. I mean what guy wants to go to his woman's house and see pics of her with an ex all over the place? Certain things just say ” I still have feelings for him”

  • mrggfep

    But are you going to tell your next or current man about this?

  • seven

    There is a person in my past that captured my heart and I his……..for whatever reason, it did not work but the intensity of our paths crossing was so strong that I know he still thinks of me and all that we did, felt and shared together. How do I know……..he contacted me and told me. Although I truly wish him well, I know that I will forever be in his heart of hearts.

  • mrggfep

    Well if you gotta keep it never discuss it.. LoL… but why even leave that door open? Some guys don't care, but most would, even if they act cool, its in the back of their mind that you might still have feelings for an old dude if you keep things around that remind you of him. Certain things like random gift, clothes, shoes, TV's… don't matter but other things like engagement rings, photos, and maybe lingerie might matter. I mean what guy wants to go to his woman's house and see pics of her with an ex all over the place? Certain things just say ” I still have feelings for him”

  • mrggfep

    But are you going to tell your next or current man about this?

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