His Point of View

To your point, I for one have never experienced "seeking out a man's friendship." It carries too much of the unexpected, the wanted, the wondered and pondered, the what ifs, so forth and so on.

My personal experience? Men and women cannot be friends without the old "hint of, wondering about, wishing for, working towards" sex being involved. I was very very good friends with a guy, so I believed and we ended up having sex. Well for me, the experience overall wasn't so bad, not what I was accustomed but not the issue. I feel like he befriended me, was very very cool for about 5 or 6 years and immediately post sex, for about a week, took a step back. For me, that was unforgivable. He tried all of that remaining year to bring things back together and to the friendship. Calling and wanting to casually chit chat but I just could not move past feeling like he used me. Honestly he tried from every angle to restore but it felt calculated and an attempt to brush under the rug and frankly, I just didn't have it in me at that time to move on. Typically I'm not one for letting males into my close personal circle as I have always believed typically, they have underlying motives but after his hammering and badgering me for years about being so closed up and not letting him nor anyone in, although that step back, I felt betrayed and a hurt that I cannot seem to forgive. In the past it's only been my SO that I would allow to see the whole of me. As a result and I know it sounds bitter but I will never allow a man get as close as I let him. He was my confidant and close friend and advisor. Initially I was angry beyond what I can even utter and had no problem letting him know and venting as often as the anger would hit me which many times he'd just listen. After doing it for so long though, it caused him to move away from an attempt to restore the friendship. Well, it hit me, to just let it go so I did and have been silent since the beginne of this year. This, I guess, in turn made him feel maybe it's safe to come out again. He's been around and in the background and I've not answered or acknowledged his presence until about 3 weeks ago. I did it but over the airwaves. I asked him if he didn't need anything in particular why the attempts or calls. Since then? Dead silence. No more calls, no more watching from afar, no more emails. I will never understand nor will I try. I will accept as what I believed happened. Maybe it wasn't what I felt it was but in all his attempts to chit chat and go back to laughing and lunching, he never attempted to REALLY explain his actions. He says I misread I say different. There you have it though. I guess now it's officially unequivocally finished. I hate liars to no end.