His Point of View

Wow, lots of food for thought. But no easy answers. Some thoughts:
-After all these years, I've come to the conclusion that, in trying to learn from my parents how to succeed in relationships, I actually learned how to not succeed.
-After reading many different books and listening to various “therapists”, watching my parents (through 4 marriages and 3 divorces) I don't know if there is a specific place or way to learn more or better guidance – because we're all different, and therefore will react to others in different ways. Also, times, attitudes, family roles change – what was true for your grandmother/father won't necessarily be the same ideals you and I will shape our lives around. And of course, we know better and more than them (insert sarcasm) anyway, especially in our younger years!
I have another take on your “turn your ship around” comment, but it's too late and I've rambled enough already.
Good blog; enjoy reading your perspective.

Good questions. I would have to say that no, my parents didn’t teach me how to be successful in a marriage or relationships, as they divorced when I was young and didn’t begin to have, what I would describe as a healthy relationship, until my college years. It has definitely been trial and error for me. I haven’t had the opportunity to model successful couples because I don’t know any. My parents never said “you don’t need a man” but they were more interested in me getting my education and becoming successful versus being in a relationship and I understood that. During my early dating years I would say that I had to learn the hard way but those difficult relationships helped me learn myself and helped me recognize what has worked in the relationships and what didn’t. What my parents did instill in me were qualities of being a compassionate and loving person (my father) who deserves respect and honesty at all times (my mother) and I think those are important in building a successful relationship. Thinking back to when my parents were together the roles were mixed. My father was the breadwinner but he was more nurturing of the two and my mother cooked, cleaned and took care of the children but she was most definitely the no-nonsense disciplinarian. What I learn from that is it’s a give and take; the roles in a marriage/ relationship should be shared. Its ironic to me that in my own relationships I would rather defer to my mate, allowing him to “be the head” but it usually doesn’t end up that way for me. I usually (minus a couple of control freaks) attract men who want a take charge, independent yet domestic woman.

Of course I hope one would not turn a ship around if it is headed in the right direction… please do elaborate…

Scientifically speaking, humans are born with no instincts other than crying and sucking…. So everything we do in life is learned other than involuntary bodily functions, crying, and sucking… So we do learn how to function in relationships by either being taught, observation, or by trial and error. In relationships doing unto others as you wish to be done to you does not work, because we all have our own little quarks and views and you will never find someone who understands 100% of them from day one. There are things that I do to people that I would be completely comfortable if someone did the same to me, but my mate may be offended or angered by that very same thing that I find acceptable. What I find acceptable, others may find rude, inappropriate, or mean… these are just a few examples of how doing unto others does not always work out. People have to have learned how to compromise, sacrifice, and accept differences. If you can't do all of those things no one will get along with you long term.

I think that no matter what you’re good at the person whom you want to be with should see you in that element……That sort of gives them an idea of what that person is passionate about. looking back some people are only good at certain things….and you have to know as a person whether you can deal with someone who may be a great father/mother, but who can’t handle losing their job. Character is everything….situation or circumstances shouldn’t change who you are at the core. Being a good listener, kind, polite, humble, all of these things should not fall by the waist side under any condition!