His Point of View

Ok so maybe this post is not really about why men cheat per se, but it does explain how some relationships are set up for failure from square one. Men are not as dumb or stupid and many women may think, often we recognize what is being done and we just respond in a manner that women do not expect, sometimes because we know what you all are up to, and at other times because we just think about things differently.  The very things that some women do in order to find out if they have a man worth keeping, or to test a man’s fortitude, are the same things that tell us that this particular woman is playing games, and we shouldn’t take her too seriously.  Now on to the good stuff… enjoy!

Sex is not as important to men as it is to women.   I will repeat that…Sex is not as important to men as it is to women. I do not mean that men don’t enjoy sex as much as women do.  **Although,it has been explained to me by several ladies that good sex feels better to the woman than it does to the man… but there is no way for me to know the truth, so I will gladly take their word for it.  What I mean is that many women place a higher value on the meaning of sex than most men.  If you think about the whole idea of not having sex until married it basically creates the perception that sex is the most significant issue between a man and a woman. The one thing that men and women are not supposed to do together without a formal commitment is to have sex.  Although many people have sex before marriage, a part of those teachings sticks in the back of many women’s minds and they place conditions on what a man has to do to get her in bed. Many of these women are not placing conditions on what the man must do to have her time or her trust…just her sexual relations.  Sometimes ladies make sex the ultimate prize for the man she is dating.  I argue that your love & trust are (read: should be) the ultimate prizes.  (This brings up another topic of discussion for another time…Often women give the gift of sex after they have an idea that they do, or can love a man…while most often love has not crossed a man’s mind until weeks or months after sexual relations have begun) If you make sex the ultimate reward, then what happens after you finally have sex with that man?  What if that milestone is much more significant to you than it is to the man you share the moment with?  I ask those questions to highlight the reality that many women develop feelings for men far sooner than men may recognize.  What may be casual sex for one person can be the beginning of a committed relationship in the other person’s mind.  You should be clear before jumping to premature conclusions.  It’s not a relationship until it is officially a relationship.

I am not saying women should have sex with a guy after the second or third date, what I am saying is that women should not structure their relationship around sex.  You can’t make having sex with you the long term goal that the man is reaching for, if you do that you are bound to wind up in some guy’s rotation of women he is dating just long enough to get them in bed.  Once they have you and there is no real substance to the relationship you will find that he has other women, or that you are the other woman.  Also, during that time when you thought you were making that guy prove himself, he could have been getting his satisfaction in other places. This post began with the statement “Sex is not as important to men as it is to women” sex is fungible in many ways (but not all) both men and women are guilty of having sex with someone regularly until the new relationship becomes sexual.  I have noticed that a lot of women feel as if what they have between their own legs is somehow better than the rest, they can’t fathom the idea that a man would not crawl through the hot sands of a desert at high noon to get between their legs.  These women are seriously mistaken.  You can’t use your body parts in an attempt to manipulate your man.  If a man gets the feeling that the woman he is dating is holding back sex to prove a point, or to make the man prove himself to the woman or even if she is playing a game of some sort he can easily get satisfaction from another source. And it does not matter all that much to most men if the woman we are dating(the most) is that source as long as we are somewhat attracted to that woman and/or she performs well.  I am not blaming anyone for having a partner who cheats because ultimately we all make choices and we are absolutely responsible for our actions and decisions, cheating is a choice and we all have the option to just say no.

Women attempt to use sex or the lack of it to learn something about a man is misguided.  What’s between your legs is not what a man should have to prove himself worthy to obtain.  If anything, the man should have to prove himself to gain your love and loyalty.  I repeat, who we have sex with is not that important,especially if we are not officially in a relationship.  If you feel the need hold out on sex in order to make the man you are dating prove something to you, or if you have to figure out over an extended period of time whether he is worthy of your goods then one of two things is amiss; either that is not a man you should be dealing with, or you need to mature a little bit and stop playing games.  You should not have to convince yourself that you should be with a particular person.

If you are in the initial phases of dating before things become official, and one or both of you are still being sexually satisfied in other places you should strive to get out of that zone as soon as possible.  The longer a man or woman is getting pleasure from those alternative sources the harder it will be to break off those situations when the main relationship kicks into full gear and cheating can easily migrate into the new relationship like a parasite.  Its very hard to cut off a good thing that you are used to, especially when that side person is familiar with the situation and has grown comfortable with being the side person.  Unless you are saving yourself for marriage, sex should not be a major roadblock once you have determined that you are going to be serious with a person.  Holding back once its clear to all parties that you both are ready and waiting to go a step further is a recipe for disaster.What I mean is that once a certain threshold is passed if one party continues to hold off on having sex, some type of problem will arise.  If you do not intend on having sex with someone do not allow yourself to be in any situation where any party gets the idea that intercourse is imminent.  Once again I am not saying sleep with everyone you go on more than one date with, but I am saying after a couple of dates have passed and you are uncertain or feeling anything other than good about the person that’s probably a sign that you should look for love elsewhere.

I can’t forget to mention that some people just don’t care. Some people are in relationships although they are not really prepared to do all of the things their mate expects from them.  There is not much to say about that really other than keep your eyes open and know when to hold’em and when to fold’em.  If you know he is not ready for your idea of what’s required to be in a relationship don’t waste your time second guessing yourself.

Tune in again for part 3, where I will discuss the reason that men cheat that you probably hate the most.