His Point of View

I have been on a number of dates with a variety of women. I have noticed that there are a few things that any woman, no matter how intelligent, beautiful, or sexy can do that will completely remove her from the list of contenders. One of the biggest turn offs for many men is a woman who focuses on what she doesn’t want or what she doesn’t do. There is a difference in being open and being unreasonable. Telling a man the list of things you are not willing to do is not attractive. If you don’t cook, don’t clean, don’t do laundry, don’t perform oral sex, or don’t do dishes that’s all fine and dandy, but I am almost certain that you would get much farther if you simply kept all of that to yourself. If you are communicating effectively there will be ample time to communicate your desires and your dislikes through a thing called conversation. There will also be plenty of time to observe the actions of the person you are dating, these observations will either tell you all you need to know, or provide the trigger for the necessary focused questions. There is rarely ever a reason to announce what one will or won’t do, the saying “actions speak louder than words” is the truth. In other words; don’t talk about it, be about it.

When I hear a woman run down the list of what she is not willing to do only a couple things come to mind. Thought #1 she is lying to me(for any number of reasons.) Thought #2 If she doesn’t do all of those things then I don’t need to be with her… because those are the things I am looking for. Thought #3 She thinks she is slick… she is trying to sell me on all the things she does not do but still (try to) require that I provide a whole list of things to her, while she kicks back and gets a free ride.  In essence #3 is setting the bar of what the man should expect from her very low intentionally, so that she can always say later in the relationship that she told the guy up front that she does not do x,y or z.  I have heard the argument that some of the people who feel the need to advertise what they don’t want, or what they won’t do are attempting to be up front about their needs and desires. I disagree, well let me say this to be more clear. If you think this method of being up front is effective, you have a lot to learn about human interactions. The majority of the people who act in this manner are attempting to manipulate the person sitting across the table in one way or another.

No matter if my thoughts listed above are correct or not, I am pretty certain that we will all get farther along in relationships if we focus more on what we want, what we can do, and what we will do instead of what we won’t do, and what we don’t want. I do believe that what we focus on becomes what we see. If we constantly obsess over the possibility that our mate could possibly be cheating then everything becomes a sign of infidelity. If we think that everyone of the opposite sex it out to use each other for money or sex, then everything becomes a sign of that. So why don’t we simply chose to focus on what we want and what we are willing to provide?

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