His Point of View

So far this year (its currently only day 5 of 2012) I have been a party in two discussions about how to make a relationship work.   Its pretty simple… communicate effectively, and compromise.  A relationship is nothing more than a description of how multiple people interact with each other. For a relationship to exist long term and to grow stronger all parties must give and take.

With regard to healthy romantic relationships, no one person should be doing significantly more taking than the other.  Each person can give in their own way, but it should be in a way that adds value to the other person’s life.  If one person gives and feels that they are not being taken care of they will become unhappy, and that will lead to any number of dysfunctional actions.    Often people feel as if they are giving a lot, while their mate does not agree, because what is being given is not seen as valuable by the person receiving.  We should learn what things we can do to add value and or comfort to our mate’s life so that we can show them that we are considering their feelings in a way that they will recognize.   Along those lines each party has a duty to (continue reading…)

Today I came across an interesting article that supports my side of a recent conversation I had with a female friend [click the link to see the article]-> blogs.ajc.com. I’m pretty sure you have heard the saying “Happy wife, happy marriage”… but what about the husband’s happiness??? Well according to the article referenced above you ladies need to be more concerned with your husband’s happiness…LoL Apparently there was a study performed ( by Kristina Dzara at Southern Illinois University) which states the following: (continue reading…)

This photo edit was a contest submission on http://www.froknowsphoto.com  You can see the contest details here http://froknowsphoto.com/edit-this-raw-file-week-41/  My entry is on page 24 as of 09/07/2011.  I have not really used Photoshop in months so I was a little rusty… I see that I need to get back into Photoshop to keep my skills exercised.  I think I will do more of these videos, it was fun to let you all see how I do magic… LoL

Whether you are male,female,black, native american, asian, young, or old we all have issues as a result of of categories we fall into.  Since we can only experience the issues related to the categories we are a part of  we often develop tunnel vision and start to believe that our issues are the most important issues.  And we are 100% correct, our issues are the most important issues… to us.  But on a large scale nobody else really cares about your issues until you give them a reason to, or unless they happen to observe you being a victim to some injustice based upon your category.

We should not ignore our issues if we expect things to change, but two things we can’t do are; let the issue(s) consume us to the point that we are immobilized, and we can’t let the views of other people (especially those outside the category we are a part of) become our own definition of ourselves.  Every person we encounter on our journey through life forms some sort of impression or opinion of us.  People often have a particular motive associated with the image they have developed of each of us.  I argue that we can not (continue reading…)

Since the election of our first Negro/African American/Black/Brotha/Nigga/Nigger President the phrase post racial society has been tossed around.  Its bologna. Racism is live and well.  The issue of the day is this advertisement by Nivea which depicts a man of  African descent throwing away mask of an afro wearing, facial hair having black man for a clean shaven “civilized man”.

This ad is just the latest of a series of monthly, if not weekly examples of how racism is still bubbling up in every corner of society.  Last week it was the so called expert blaming the societal ills of the city of London on “black male culture.”  Oh let us not forget the movie “The Help”, which was written by a white woman.  Many say that the movie was a white washed version of the reality of black house servants in the mid 1900′s in America.  The week before that is was the use of the word “nigga” by white female rapper V-Nasty (who?) and all of the black male producers and rappers (also a few white celebrities) who came to her rescue, attempting to give her a “pass” to use the word freely because she was reportedly raised in a primarily black neighborhood(as if that means she can’t be racist, although I am not saying she is racist, I don’t know enough of her to make that claim ).  The week before that we had riots in London started by the alleged wrongful killing of a black man by the police.  I will stop there, as  this post might never end if I continue.  The point of it all is that racism is not something that no longer exists simply because we may chose to ignore it. We don’t have many social movements or rallies against racism anymore, and people who accuse others of racism are quickly ostracized as “pulling the race card” simply because the non-minority may not see or understand the way race factors into that particular event.  The term most appropriate is “white privilege.”  You may very well not be overtly or consciously racist, hell you may not be racist at all, but the fact that you don’t acknowledge or understand how the racism of the government and your ancestors has given you a huge leg up on minorities is a major cause of what many call racist actions or thoughts today.  If your great grandfather owned a business 100 years ago and that set the foundation for your family to be upper middle class and it allowed you to attend a particular University you may not realize that you are benefiting from a privilege.  In most of the country 100 years ago a black man (continue reading…)

Last weekend I attended the Big Cherry Block Party in Silver Spring, MD to hang out with the crew from Pinz-N-Needlez Tattoo shop while they performed body painting and interacted with former and future customers.  Take a look at the video from the day.

Body Painting @ Big Cherry Street Festival

Below you will find a reader’s email message and my response.  Please note that my response if just my opinion, I am not in any way a certified counseling professional.

“I enjoy reading your article.
I am currently dating a separated man who’s in the process of a divorce. (his wife filed) He has been separated from his wife for 10 months and we’ve been dating for 4 months. They both have a 5 year old they share custody with. I live 2 hours away and we see each other once a week. i do the driving to come see him mainly because i have family in his town and so i split my time between my family and him. The problem that i have is that sometimes his wife calls him at the last minute to watch their daughter and our date plans are cancelled. Because of this we either don’t see each other for weeks at a time or every once in a while i will go to his place and spend a few minutes with him and his daughter-we usually watch a disney movie. However, he is careful to not show me any affection when we are in front of his daughter. i understand, but when 1-2 weeks goes by without any type of affection or intimacy, it can be a bit frustrating-plus we only talk on the phone once a week. i mainly do the calling and he’s great with calling me back, but when i don’t call him, i usually dont hear from him. we’ve talked about it but he said there is not much he can do about it and that his daughter is his 1st priority-which i understand 100%. i have never been married nor have any children but would like to in the future,. he is a nice guy and a great father. i really like him, but am i wasting my time dating him? what are your thoughts on my situation? thanks”

I first thank you for reading my blog…

Now about this relationship situation.  (continue reading…)

J is for Junkie [Full Length] from Greedmont Park on Vimeo.

This video reminds me of so many things… the J’s (Junkies) in my family, Sun Valley Apartments in the 1980′s, the neighborhood I lived in during my college years, the grown men who I have seen “entertaining”(singing, dancing, etc.) dope boys hoping to score their next hit, the mechanic who rebuilt my car’s engine for about $100, that dude who tried to sell me a washer and dryer for $50, the lady who used to go door to door trying to sell used shoes for a couple dollars, the kid I went to high school with that I saw strung out… before we (I) graduated, the fights I witnessed over debts, that time my neighbors ran off someone who broke into my house in the middle of the night, the night I had $15,000 in my hands to “hold” for someone while they went to “take care of some business”, that time a friend of mine sat up all night dressed in black waiting for someone, the stories I was told about Techwood Homes, when the stories were verified by an independent third party years later, the police raid while i was sleeping, the cars, the bikes, the women, the strip clubs, the block parties,the food, the night clubs, the back woods car races for $20,000 a race,  the little shabby pickup truck that used to signal the end for the dealers who foolishly tried to make that sale to a stranger, that time I saw the police pull that guy through his car window in the parking lot of Albertson’s, my professor’s son who used to come to the hood to get his “party supplies”, the (Caucasian) state capital employees who used to come to the hood to score hits, The J who cut my grass for a bottle of white wine, then walked around the neighborhood drunk the rest of the day, the pictures of semi-nude women sent to dudes in jail, the homie who got 9 years (for conspiracy to distribute), the homie who got 25 to life(for a fistfight which happened to be his 3rd strike), the homie who was still on the run last I heard, the homie who was killed, the first time I saw someone whipping the work, the homie who got 2nd-3rd degree burns when the pyrex pot broke while he was cooking, the time the two guys were hiding behind trees at night waiting for someone, the guy in the neighborhood who was up in the tree with a video camera wearing camouflage…LoL, the time I was told to ride in the other car, the time in the restaurant when we didn’t have to pay, the time in the strip club when everybody had a good time, but none of the girls were paid in cash, the decision I made that allows me to have the career I have today, the other stuff that I can’t write on this blog…(and don’t ask about it)

I have never sold or used crack or any form of cocaine, but it has definitely affected my life in many ways.

Watch this video, spread the link… help get some exposure for this young videographer, so that he can bring us more food for thought.

Below are a few lessons I have learned during my journey through life to date… I just thought I’d take a moment to share.

1. Figure out what works, improve on it… Repeat

2. Figure out what doesn’t work and decide to stop doing those things or decide to fix the problem(s)… Repeat.

3. Learn from the mistakes of others…Don’t believe anyone who says that you can’t learn from someone who has never “done it” or has never “been there”.  The smartest people avoid pitfalls by observing others, the not so smart people want to learn everything from personal experience.

4.  Help everybody you can…especially if (continue reading…)

If you know me well, you know that there are a few things that I really enjoy consuming: fine chocolate, fine cheese, good wine, and excellent beer. My birthday was yesterday, and I can say that this entire weekend was dedicated to enjoying all four items listed above. I picked up four 8 oz. cheese slices this week and I have stared on two of them, Drunken Goat and Chimay Grand Cru. (continue reading…)