His Point of View

Today I was asked why one woman is not enough for most men.  I quickly though of about 7 reasons, and I quickly decided that it was a topic that deserved more attention.  Its not that I have some earth shattering ideas about this subject, but when I say how I feel many people react as if they have never heard such a point of view before…so here it is.  Much of what I say applies to infidelity in general, not just to men who cheat.

Of course many people quickly write cheaters off as people with little self control, or people who are greedy, or careless, etc.  It is very easy to lump all cheaters into one big pile of people who can’t keep their body parts under control.  But its more than that, (continue reading…)

Since I graduated from college I have noticed a lot of young people who have had a divorce.  In this case, by young I mean under the age of thirty years old.  I have even met a few ladies who were divorced before they reached age 23.  I do know that people get married for the wrong reasons, including in my opinion due to: pregnancy, loneliness, pressure from family/friends, or just because they were in a relationship with a person for many years and it seems like the next thing to do.  It is only reasonable that a person will want to exit stage right once they figure out that their decision to marry was made using poor reasoning.  I am not blaming anyone for making the decision to marry or to divorce.

My question to you people who may have been divorced before the age of thirty is how has it affected your life?  Has the fact that you were once married affected negatively or positively your present dating situation?

Have you found that people consider you to be “damaged goods” because of the perception that a divorcee may have relationship or emotional problems as a result?

For those of us who have never been married, what thoughts do you have when you meet a divorcee on the dating scene?  Many people tend to  blame the opposite sex for (continue reading…)

Recently I have heard several discussions about this book “Marry Him : The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough.”

Typically I don’t read these types of books, I tend to stick to non-fiction and business related reading material.  Although I have not read the book (yet) the article here seems to summarize some of the finer points of the book.  This past week I was involved in a pretty heated debate about women “settling” for a man who is not all that they want a man to be.  I agree with the highlights the article which I linked to above mentions.  I do not think that women should consider themselves to be settling when they are aligning their expectations more with reality, than a dream world where there is a “perfect” man for them.

Life is all about learning and compromise.  I hope that women learn through experience as they age that what they wanted 2,5,10 years ago is probably not what they need at their current stage in life.  As such, they should modify their list of desires in a mate.   If you are single at age 40 and your list of desires is exactly the same as it was at age 20, you have not learned from your mistakes.  Perhaps your list should be longer, or shorter… either way the list of wants should not be the same.

The article’s point #1 is of particular interest to me, as I have seen this over and over again.  The danger here is (continue reading…)

When you are dating someone, but you are not yet in a relationship how do you handle the fact that your date is or may be having sex with other people?  I don’t mean Mr. or Mrs. one night stand, but perhaps someone you have dated for several weeks or a few months.

If you have not yet had sex with this person does that change your thoughts?

How much detail is too much? Do you expect them to tell you specifically that they are having intercourse with others? Do you want them to just let you know that they are dating other people and leave out the details?

What if your potential mate volunteers info?

Is joking about their other lover(s) OK? Would/Does it make you uncomfortable if your date is flippant toward the topic of having relations with other people?  By this I mean can you handle it if your date describes how bad the other person is, or they make jokes about the encounters they have with the others?

Or would you just rather not know that they are seeing other people at all???

Aside from being the title of a great song by the late, great Jimi Hendrix the question often arises when people decide to take their relationship into the bedroom for the first time.  I doubt that very many people ask that question these days, but I have found myself being offered the answer to that question, even though I didn’t really care to know at that very moment. Usually the information comes in the form of what a young lady has never done before, or what she had only tried once before…as if I, or any other guy cares.  All that matters to most men is what you are about to do.  And many men would actually prefer a woman with experience.  I know that is counter to what many women expect, but all men do not want (continue reading…)

Can your accomplishments in life frighten off potential mates?  Or is it best that people who are weak enough to feel that you are “better” than they are weeded out early in the dating process?

I have read and heard that entrepreneurs, people with advanced degrees (e.g. Master’s or PhD.), people who have seen the world, or even those who are very popular locally, etc. have difficulty maintaining relationships.  Often I feel that high achievers, or those who THINK that they are high achievers may (continue reading…)

Fake it ’til you make it.  That is a phrase which I live by when it comes to business deals or pulling off things that others say you are not qualified to make happen.  In the business world faking it until you make it is almost a requirement to succeed, but in the dating world it is a recipe for disaster.

Have you met someone who was putting up a facade in an attempt to either impress you, or to hide their blemishes?  I can only assume that men participate in faking it more than women when it comes to what we have or our status in the world.   I think women fake it in different ways, ladies seem to try to (continue reading…)

Did your parents, grand parents, or other family elders give you the tools necessary to establish and maintain successful relationships? Did anyone teach you your role in a relationship, or what to expect/require in a mate?

I ask these questions because it seems as if a lot of people my age are learning by trial and error.  We are getting married later in life, involving ourselves with the wrong mates, and not providing (continue reading…)

Last night the straw finally broke this Camel’s back when I read the article below about Helena Andrews.  I am glad to see a young lady write a book which had its rights quickly purchased to make a screenplay.  I wish her the best… but I can’t take this anymore.  I am absolutely tired of young African American women claiming that there are no good, single educated young men available for them to settle down with.  At some point you have to take a (continue reading…)

Before you think I have lost my mind… let me say that I had never seriously pondered this question until I read the story which you can find below.

This story is supposedly a true account of one un-named young lady’s love affair with her brother which started as they were teens, and continued through their college years.  The interesting aspect this story that made me think was the fact that she attempts to disconnect some cases of incest between siblings from abuse by noting the fact that she and her brother have only one year of difference in age and that they both consented to all of their sexual encounters (which began when she was 14 and he was 15.)  It seems as if this pair of siblings are/were really in love with each other, and it was not simply a perverted act of an older brother abusing a younger sister, if you believe that such a situation is possible.   Their situation even progressed to the point where (continue reading…)