His Point of View

Today I heard a young lady (she is in the age range of 25-27) say that most women only want a man for his heart, and nothing more.  I could not allow her comment to go uncorrected.  It sounded to me as if she lived in a fairytale world, where there are princes, princesses, and knights in shining armor.  While the reality is that nothing is that simple, we all have motives and desires, and love is not all that most men or women want from their mate.  I responded by saying that although women say they only want love the majority of them want one or more things from a man including; financial security, physical safety, emotional safety, vacations, gifts, romance, or a host of other things.  Most(read, almost all) people regardless of gender want a lot more than just love from their mate.  If love were all that was required by women there would be no divorces due to financial hardship, working long hours, or leaving the toilet seat up.

When discussing what we want from a mate there are a few different types of people.  Some people admit that they are looking for a person to provide certain things, whether it be cooking, cleaning, sex, financial support, or whatever it is that makes one feel satisfied or safe.  Some people say that they just want to share true love and nothing more, but they still maintain a laundry list of requirements and they do not see the fact that they have a list of requirements as them wanting/requiring something more than just love.  And there are those few people who (continue reading…)

Over the last few years I have taken part in many conversations (and overheard many discussions) with people who claim to be seeking love, or seeking a long lasting relationship.  One common theme that I have run across goes something like this, ” I want a man, but I don’t want to give up any of the things I have grown used to while single.”  Excuse me???? But I thought that the point of having a relationship was (continue reading…)

Recently I was out with a friend and we visited a bar that has a diverse group of patrons. While at this bar I met a young lady who was born and lived until her teen years in a South American country. We had a decent conversation and then I was asked a question I have never encountered while out socially, or even from someone I have dated. ‘You aren’t a racist, are you?’ I stopped for a second to think about what I could have said to trigger such a question, and I came up with nothing. She indicated that I had not said anything out of line, but it was something she felt the need to ask since she had experienced problems with racism in the past since arriving in the US. (continue reading…)

Ok so maybe this post is not really about why men cheat per se, but it does explain how some relationships are set up for failure from square one. Men are not as dumb or stupid and many women may think, often we recognize what is being done and we just respond in a manner that women do not expect, sometimes because we know what you all are up to, and at other times because we just think about things differently.  The very things that some women do in order to find out if they have a man worth keeping, or to test a man’s fortitude, are the same things that tell us that this particular woman is playing games, and we shouldn’t take her too seriously.  Now on to the good stuff… enjoy!

Sex is not as important to men as it is to women.   I will repeat that…Sex is not as important to men as it is to women. (continue reading…)

Today I was asked why one woman is not enough for most men.  I quickly though of about 7 reasons, and I quickly decided that it was a topic that deserved more attention.  Its not that I have some earth shattering ideas about this subject, but when I say how I feel many people react as if they have never heard such a point of view before…so here it is.  Much of what I say applies to infidelity in general, not just to men who cheat.

Of course many people quickly write cheaters off as people with little self control, or people who are greedy, or careless, etc.  It is very easy to lump all cheaters into one big pile of people who can’t keep their body parts under control.  But its more than that, (continue reading…)

Since I graduated from college I have noticed a lot of young people who have had a divorce.  In this case, by young I mean under the age of thirty years old.  I have even met a few ladies who were divorced before they reached age 23.  I do know that people get married for the wrong reasons, including in my opinion due to: pregnancy, loneliness, pressure from family/friends, or just because they were in a relationship with a person for many years and it seems like the next thing to do.  It is only reasonable that a person will want to exit stage right once they figure out that their decision to marry was made using poor reasoning.  I am not blaming anyone for making the decision to marry or to divorce.

My question to you people who may have been divorced before the age of thirty is how has it affected your life?  Has the fact that you were once married affected negatively or positively your present dating situation?

Have you found that people consider you to be “damaged goods” because of the perception that a divorcee may have relationship or emotional problems as a result?

For those of us who have never been married, what thoughts do you have when you meet a divorcee on the dating scene?  Many people tend to  blame the opposite sex for (continue reading…)

Recently I have heard several discussions about this book “Marry Him : The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough.”

Typically I don’t read these types of books, I tend to stick to non-fiction and business related reading material.  Although I have not read the book (yet) the article here seems to summarize some of the finer points of the book.  This past week I was involved in a pretty heated debate about women “settling” for a man who is not all that they want a man to be.  I agree with the highlights the article which I linked to above mentions.  I do not think that women should consider themselves to be settling when they are aligning their expectations more with reality, than a dream world where there is a “perfect” man for them.

Life is all about learning and compromise.  I hope that women learn through experience as they age that what they wanted 2,5,10 years ago is probably not what they need at their current stage in life.  As such, they should modify their list of desires in a mate.   If you are single at age 40 and your list of desires is exactly the same as it was at age 20, you have not learned from your mistakes.  Perhaps your list should be longer, or shorter… either way the list of wants should not be the same.

The article’s point #1 is of particular interest to me, as I have seen this over and over again.  The danger here is (continue reading…)

When you are dating someone, but you are not yet in a relationship how do you handle the fact that your date is or may be having sex with other people?  I don’t mean Mr. or Mrs. one night stand, but perhaps someone you have dated for several weeks or a few months.

If you have not yet had sex with this person does that change your thoughts?

How much detail is too much? Do you expect them to tell you specifically that they are having intercourse with others? Do you want them to just let you know that they are dating other people and leave out the details?

What if your potential mate volunteers info?

Is joking about their other lover(s) OK? Would/Does it make you uncomfortable if your date is flippant toward the topic of having relations with other people?  By this I mean can you handle it if your date describes how bad the other person is, or they make jokes about the encounters they have with the others?

Or would you just rather not know that they are seeing other people at all???

Aside from being the title of a great song by the late, great Jimi Hendrix the question often arises when people decide to take their relationship into the bedroom for the first time.  I doubt that very many people ask that question these days, but I have found myself being offered the answer to that question, even though I didn’t really care to know at that very moment. Usually the information comes in the form of what a young lady has never done before, or what she had only tried once before…as if I, or any other guy cares.  All that matters to most men is what you are about to do.  And many men would actually prefer a woman with experience.  I know that is counter to what many women expect, but all men do not want (continue reading…)

Can your accomplishments in life frighten off potential mates?  Or is it best that people who are weak enough to feel that you are “better” than they are weeded out early in the dating process?

I have read and heard that entrepreneurs, people with advanced degrees (e.g. Master’s or PhD.), people who have seen the world, or even those who are very popular locally, etc. have difficulty maintaining relationships.  Often I feel that high achievers, or those who THINK that they are high achievers may (continue reading…)