His Point of View

Recently I have heard several discussions about this book “Marry Him : The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough.”

Typically I don’t read these types of books, I tend to stick to non-fiction and business related reading material.  Although I have not read the book (yet) the article here seems to summarize some of the finer points of the book.  This past week I was involved in a pretty heated debate about women “settling” for a man who is not all that they want a man to be.  I agree with the highlights the article which I linked to above mentions.  I do not think that women should consider themselves to be settling when they are aligning their expectations more with reality, than a dream world where there is a “perfect” man for them.

Life is all about learning and compromise.  I hope that women learn through experience as they age that what they wanted 2,5,10 years ago is probably not what they need at their current stage in life.  As such, they should modify their list of desires in a mate.   If you are single at age 40 and your list of desires is exactly the same as it was at age 20, you have not learned from your mistakes.  Perhaps your list should be longer, or shorter… either way the list of wants should not be the same.

The article’s point #1 is of particular interest to me, as I have seen this over and over again.  The danger here is (continue reading…)

When you are dating someone, but you are not yet in a relationship how do you handle the fact that your date is or may be having sex with other people?  I don’t mean Mr. or Mrs. one night stand, but perhaps someone you have dated for several weeks or a few months.

If you have not yet had sex with this person does that change your thoughts?

How much detail is too much? Do you expect them to tell you specifically that they are having intercourse with others? Do you want them to just let you know that they are dating other people and leave out the details?

What if your potential mate volunteers info?

Is joking about their other lover(s) OK? Would/Does it make you uncomfortable if your date is flippant toward the topic of having relations with other people?  By this I mean can you handle it if your date describes how bad the other person is, or they make jokes about the encounters they have with the others?

Or would you just rather not know that they are seeing other people at all???

Aside from being the title of a great song by the late, great Jimi Hendrix the question often arises when people decide to take their relationship into the bedroom for the first time.  I doubt that very many people ask that question these days, but I have found myself being offered the answer to that question, even though I didn’t really care to know at that very moment. Usually the information comes in the form of what a young lady has never done before, or what she had only tried once before…as if I, or any other guy cares.  All that matters to most men is what you are about to do.  And many men would actually prefer a woman with experience.  I know that is counter to what many women expect, but all men do not want (continue reading…)

Can your accomplishments in life frighten off potential mates?  Or is it best that people who are weak enough to feel that you are “better” than they are weeded out early in the dating process?

I have read and heard that entrepreneurs, people with advanced degrees (e.g. Master’s or PhD.), people who have seen the world, or even those who are very popular locally, etc. have difficulty maintaining relationships.  Often I feel that high achievers, or those who THINK that they are high achievers may (continue reading…)

Fake it ’til you make it.  That is a phrase which I live by when it comes to business deals or pulling off things that others say you are not qualified to make happen.  In the business world faking it until you make it is almost a requirement to succeed, but in the dating world it is a recipe for disaster.

Have you met someone who was putting up a facade in an attempt to either impress you, or to hide their blemishes?  I can only assume that men participate in faking it more than women when it comes to what we have or our status in the world.   I think women fake it in different ways, ladies seem to try to (continue reading…)

Last night the straw finally broke this Camel’s back when I read the article below about Helena Andrews.  I am glad to see a young lady write a book which had its rights quickly purchased to make a screenplay.  I wish her the best… but I can’t take this anymore.  I am absolutely tired of young African American women claiming that there are no good, single educated young men available for them to settle down with.  At some point you have to take a (continue reading…)

“Women depreciate and men appreciate”

That was a statement made today during a discussion on the finer points of dating. I took the statement to mean that women typically are attracted more by a man’s level of success and ability to provide for a woman/family. While men are typically attracted to a woman’s physical appearance. Therefore young women have more good looks to offer, and as they age their looks diminish…while younger men have less ability to provide for a woman, but as we age we (should) have more to offer a woman therefore older men are more attractive to women.

This statement seems to hold a lot of weight for several reasons. Perhaps this contributes to the frustration some older single ladies have…Perhaps this contributes to the high number of young ladies dating older men…Perhaps this is why women begin to lower their standards as they age (although in many cases lowering standards is what should have been done long ago if the woman’s expectations are not in line with what she has to offer a potential mate)…Perhaps you have something to say about this statement… Please feel free to comment below.

So the other day, I was having a discussion about why women can’t have platonic male friends (no dating & no sex).   Basically the reason is that men don’t put forth effort to get to know women whom they are not attracted to.  Sure it does happen, but it’s not because the man approached the women with the purpose of becoming friends.  There are only a small handful of reasons that a man voluntarily ends up in a platonic friendship.

The reasons that men don’t look for female friends is a whole nother topic.  The point of this blog is that I have a solution.  From this point forward men and women can just be friends… if… women have sex with the men they want to be friends with, and (continue reading…)

Please don’t hate me ladies… But this discussion keeps coming up among my female friends, guy friends, and online friends. I have to give the single ladies who own or desire to own “purse dogs” the male perspective on these little pests. First let’s not focus on the term purse dog, as it applies to any small full grown dog that is small enough to fit in a purse or shoulder bag no matter if you carry it that way or not.

So here’s the deal… Most guys I have discussed this with do not think these animals or their owners are all that cute.  In fact they can be a turn off, especially if the guy can’t say a bad word about the creature, or if he is forced to talk to or treat the animal as if it were human.  I have encountered women who have tried to force me to treat their purse dog like a (human) child, and I flatly refused needless to say that those encounters never blossomed into a relationship.  At does a person start to treat an small animal like a child?  And do these people realize how they look to the rest of the world?

I was in a grocery store the other day and a woman smuggled in her purse dog.  She would pull its head out of her purse and talk to it when she though no one was looking… If you know that #1 you are wrong for taking your pet into places where they are prohibited and #2 that people would think you are mentally unstable for talking to your pet, shouldn’t that ring a bell or three?

My guy friends and I have one rule about women with purse dogs, and that rule is Run! Run away as fast as your legs will carry you.

Ladies… if you must have a dog, please do yourself a favor and get a regular adult sized dog.  If you can carry it while jogging  or put clothes on it, then its probably not going be a good sign for the next guy you meet.

We all make fun of the old cat ladies… but the real threat is the young purse dog girl.  I warned you!

**of course there are exceptions to every rule**

Today, while commenting on someone’s Facebook status I came to this realization.  In general, women tend to continue to deal with repeated episodes of emotional pain , dis-satisfaction, or relationship disappointment when dealing with someone they are attracted to as long as they come in small portions at a time; while men typically have less of a problem with cutting ties early on in relationships if the lady is not “acting right”.  It seems that a lot of women ( not all) tend to put up with a lot, a lot, a lot of little things which they consider to be undesirable, and they allow it to build up until it all comes crashing down at some point which causes complete devastation and an emotional meltdown.  (I am sure I am not saying anything that you don’t already know…. but let’s discuss it maybe we can all learn from one another and come out as better people because of it.)

Why do you ladies allow this cycle to continue?  Why don’t women recognize when a guy is not a good match, or is not ready for a relationship and let the relationship go before allowing time for deeper emotional attachments to be formed.  I am not talking about the dude who you have been with for 2 years, and you hit a rough spot… but rather the dude you have been seeing for 1-2 months and you might see signs of trouble early on.  Why not cut off someone who you don’t see a positive future with before you invest too much of yourself in them?

What factors cloud the decision making process which should have caused you to let the other person go?

Before someone goes there I will say now, that I know men do the same things that I am saying women are known for…but in general I think women tend to have a harder time cutting and running when a new suitor is not really who they need to invest their time in.