His Point of View

How many of you parents out there who are married or in a relationship with someone other than your child’s other parent are still having sexual relations with your child’s other parent?  Due to recent conversations it has become apparent to me that a lot of folks think that having a child together means you have certain privileges for the rest of your lives no matter if you marry someone else or not.  (Of course if you don’t please tell us about your “friend” who does…lol)

A few years ago, when I was a bit younger, a bit less mature, a bit less give a fu*kish… my father asked what business I had goin to nightclubs if I was in a relationship. I gave the typical response, which was something to the effect of, I like to have fun with my friends…or I like to hear good music. On the surface those things were true, and I never went out with the purpose of trying to find another woman to be “entertained” by. But there were times that I did not stop the train when it was set in motion by a nice looking young lady. And that is exactly my dad’s point, even if you are not trying to cheat, surrounding yourself with the opportunity to cheat is not a good idea, at all. He went on to say specifically that clubs are for single people and people who are otherwise looking for some type of action.  I can now say that I pretty much agree.  Why go into a candy store if you are on a diabetic? You are better off avoiding the temptation all together.

So far this year (its currently only day 5 of 2012) I have been a party in two discussions about how to make a relationship work.   Its pretty simple… communicate effectively, and compromise.  A relationship is nothing more than a description of how multiple people interact with each other. For a relationship to exist long term and to grow stronger all parties must give and take.

With regard to healthy romantic relationships, no one person should be doing significantly more taking than the other.  Each person can give in their own way, but it should be in a way that adds value to the other person’s life.  If one person gives and feels that they are not being taken care of they will become unhappy, and that will lead to any number of dysfunctional actions.    Often people feel as if they are giving a lot, while their mate does not agree, because what is being given is not seen as valuable by the person receiving.  We should learn what things we can do to add value and or comfort to our mate’s life so that we can show them that we are considering their feelings in a way that they will recognize.   Along those lines each party has a duty to (continue reading…)

Today I came across an interesting article that supports my side of a recent conversation I had with a female friend [click the link to see the article]-> blogs.ajc.com. I’m pretty sure you have heard the saying “Happy wife, happy marriage”… but what about the husband’s happiness??? Well according to the article referenced above you ladies need to be more concerned with your husband’s happiness…LoL Apparently there was a study performed ( by Kristina Dzara at Southern Illinois University) which states the following: (continue reading…)

Below you will find a reader’s email message and my response.  Please note that my response if just my opinion, I am not in any way a certified counseling professional.

“I enjoy reading your article.
I am currently dating a separated man who’s in the process of a divorce. (his wife filed) He has been separated from his wife for 10 months and we’ve been dating for 4 months. They both have a 5 year old they share custody with. I live 2 hours away and we see each other once a week. i do the driving to come see him mainly because i have family in his town and so i split my time between my family and him. The problem that i have is that sometimes his wife calls him at the last minute to watch their daughter and our date plans are cancelled. Because of this we either don’t see each other for weeks at a time or every once in a while i will go to his place and spend a few minutes with him and his daughter-we usually watch a disney movie. However, he is careful to not show me any affection when we are in front of his daughter. i understand, but when 1-2 weeks goes by without any type of affection or intimacy, it can be a bit frustrating-plus we only talk on the phone once a week. i mainly do the calling and he’s great with calling me back, but when i don’t call him, i usually dont hear from him. we’ve talked about it but he said there is not much he can do about it and that his daughter is his 1st priority-which i understand 100%. i have never been married nor have any children but would like to in the future,. he is a nice guy and a great father. i really like him, but am i wasting my time dating him? what are your thoughts on my situation? thanks”

I first thank you for reading my blog…

Now about this relationship situation.  (continue reading…)