His Point of View

Ok so maybe this post is not really about why men cheat per se, but it does explain how some relationships are set up for failure from square one. Men are not as dumb or stupid and many women may think, often we recognize what is being done and we just respond in a manner that women do not expect, sometimes because we know what you all are up to, and at other times because we just think about things differently.  The very things that some women do in order to find out if they have a man worth keeping, or to test a man’s fortitude, are the same things that tell us that this particular woman is playing games, and we shouldn’t take her too seriously.  Now on to the good stuff… enjoy!

Sex is not as important to men as it is to women.   I will repeat that…Sex is not as important to men as it is to women. (continue reading…)

Today I was asked why one woman is not enough for most men.  I quickly though of about 7 reasons, and I quickly decided that it was a topic that deserved more attention.  Its not that I have some earth shattering ideas about this subject, but when I say how I feel many people react as if they have never heard such a point of view before…so here it is.  Much of what I say applies to infidelity in general, not just to men who cheat.

Of course many people quickly write cheaters off as people with little self control, or people who are greedy, or careless, etc.  It is very easy to lump all cheaters into one big pile of people who can’t keep their body parts under control.  But its more than that, (continue reading…)

Can your accomplishments in life frighten off potential mates?  Or is it best that people who are weak enough to feel that you are “better” than they are weeded out early in the dating process?

I have read and heard that entrepreneurs, people with advanced degrees (e.g. Master’s or PhD.), people who have seen the world, or even those who are very popular locally, etc. have difficulty maintaining relationships.  Often I feel that high achievers, or those who THINK that they are high achievers may (continue reading…)

Did your parents, grand parents, or other family elders give you the tools necessary to establish and maintain successful relationships? Did anyone teach you your role in a relationship, or what to expect/require in a mate?

I ask these questions because it seems as if a lot of people my age are learning by trial and error.  We are getting married later in life, involving ourselves with the wrong mates, and not providing (continue reading…)

(Scroll to bottom for update(s)… to the original post)

Before you think I have lost my mind… let me say that I had never seriously pondered this question until I read the story which you can find below.

This story is supposedly a true account of one un-named young lady’s love affair with her brother which started as they were teens, and continued through their college years.  The interesting aspect this story that made me think was the fact that she attempts to disconnect some cases of incest between siblings from abuse by noting the fact that she and her brother have only one year of difference in age and that they both consented to all of their sexual encounters (which began when she was 14 and he was 15.)  It seems as if this pair of siblings are/were really in love with each other, and it was not simply a perverted act of an older brother abusing a younger sister, if you believe that such a situation is possible.   Their situation even progressed to the point where (continue reading…)

We all know that it takes two… and THEY always say three’s a crowd….

We also know that most (read: all) men have a fantasy of having a threesome with two lovely ladies.  Usually when men talk about this topic with their lady, she responds with the question “well, what if I want to be with two men at the same time???”

If a woman were to ask me that question I would say, it takes a certain type of woman to desire a threesome with her man plus another man, while being a contender for long term relationship status.  That certain type of woman is rare.  Most women who are at the point in life where they want to settle down with a man are not going to have a desire to seriously consider having sex with another man unless her feelings for her man are fading, or she is otherwise attracted to that other man on an emotional level.  I argue that if a woman in a relationship is willing to have sex with another man there are likely problems brewing in that relationship… unless that woman is of the swinging type & I find it hard (continue reading…)

Yesterday I was reading a piece in the local paper about a woman who died. Her high school sweetheart went to pay his last respects at her wake, when he was approached by the woman’s husband who returned the high school ring that the man gave the woman 57 years prior.  At first reading this was a sweet story of high school sweethearts reunited after death.  But it suddenly hit me that it must have been difficult for the husband to do knowing that his wife held a special place in her heart for another man for 57 years.

The story did not detail whether the husband knew about the high school sweetheart before hi wife’s death, or if she told him while on her death bed that she needed him to return the ring of her former love interest.  But either way it must have been difficult to know that your wife is holding on to someone else after so many years.

There is a possibility that the wife did not care about the ex of 57 years prior, and the husband came across it while getting her things in order.  But to me it seems more likely that (continue reading…)

“When folks break your heart, if there’s anything authentic about it…theirs usually ends up being broken too.”

That is statement I read this morning, and it shed a lot of light on things that I have seen in other peoples’ relationships, and in my own past relationships.  This simple line explains a lot.  This simple line explains why after relationships end some people can become very extreme with their words and/or actions.  Think about all of the things you have seen or experienced after a “real” relationship ends… does this phrase not seem to address just about everything you have seen/experienced?

Would you say that it is inappropriate for a person you are dating (off and on for 3-4 years) to replace prominently displayed photos of your mother and grandmother with photos of themself, in your home, without your permission? (The photos of the home owner’s family members were moved to a place that was not plainly visible)

Before you ask, this did not happen to me… but I was on the scene when the homeowner noticed that the photos had been replaced.  So far the 5 or so guys that know about it have all said that this was a major violation, while the 2 women who know about the situation (not including the picture mover) said that they did not see a problem with these actions.  Now I must add that both women know the young lady who did the picture moving.  I still don’t see how anyone can think that this is acceptable behavior. 

What do you say, violation? or its all good to move photos in a home in which you do not reside?

After dating for a while we can get comfortable in each other’s living spaces, but until you share a home there are still boundaries… Further, even if you are married and move into your mate’s home some things (very few things)  still should require a discussion before they are done.  Let’s say the couple were married and one spouse moved in with the other, would one be wrong for replacing photos of close family members with their own photos then be acceptable with no prior discussion?

How would you handle the situation of a person you are dating becoming too comfortable in your  home?  

At what point does it become disrespectful?

“I will be able to die knowing that I had met my soul mate.  But it was one of those things.  I knew the cost.”- Mark Sanford

I read quote above in today’s paper and it made me think about the post I made yesterday.   The post yesterday was making fun of his situation, but this quote made me respect Mark a lot more.  If the quote above is correct and said in truth, he was not some guy just trying to get some on the side (at least not with his mistress…with the other handful of women I don’t know…) This seems to really be a case of a guy trying to man up and own his decisions.  I am sure its not  easy to put your career, lifestyle(money), and reputation on the line to take responsibility for a decision you made, but it is honorable.   Don’t get me wrong, the unfaithful acts were wrong, if he felt so strongly about the mistress he should have come clean with his wife well before now, if not before he was ever intimate with the mistress. 

I don’t recall hearing or reading Mark refer to his actions as  mistakes, and this is important.  The fact is that he did not make any mistakes.  Everything that happened was the result of a conscious decision.  I have found myself in a similar situation and this was also the same road I took.  I made certain decisions and I owned up to them, I never called them mistakes, and I paid the price for my decisions. 

I hate to see any family fall apart, and I hope that this situation resolves itself in a manner that results in a positive outcome.  Mark made plenty of mistakes while trying to cover up his affair, but I give him a certain level of respect for not trying to hide behind the cover of lame excuses and discounting his decisions as “mistakes.”  His family is on a long road, with the world watching.